I think I was in a daze for the next couple of days. I don’t remember dealing with it because I didn’t know how. I didn’t think about the wedding. I didn’t think about anything. I got a phone call from the doctor’s office later that week saying they would like to talk to me about the results and for one more test. Initially I thought the worst and every possible thing ran through my mind before that doctor’s visit.
Zack drove to Stillwater for the appointment with me. I needed him to calm my nerves and tell me everything was going to be OK. I checked in and they handed me a clear container and asked me to visit the restroom for a urine sample. As I returned the sample into the Doctor’s basket I sat and waited for my name to be called. They walked me back to a room, took my vitals, and my nurse began to ask me some questions. “Have you thought you could be pregnant?” “Do you think you and your fiance’ could be expecting?” This question AGAIN? I thought we already went through this? I told her about the pregnancy test I had taken previously and that I was really irregular but had a period about two months ago-however that was normal for me to be off by that much. After more questions, doctor had come in with my sample and told me that I should bring Zack in since he knew we were engaged to be married. I knew that the news he was going to give us would change our lives forever.
Doctor Ebert had told me that rarely this will happen to women but it does happen. The cramps I was getting was not from my menstrual cycle either. They were from pregnancy. “Congratulations, you are going to have a baby! My heart sank, tears filled my eyes, and I looked at Zack while his eyes were filled too with the biggest smile on his face. I was scared but that moment I knew we were blessed. I wasn’t sick and we were going to have a child. Doctor E told me that women will have a high white cell count while pregnant. However being sick with bronchitis then a continuous sickness, I had taken a previous test and usually irregular, like us, pregnancy wasn’t his first consideration.
If I have heard it once, I have heard it a million times. “How do you not know you are pregnant?” “That is crazy there is no way you couldn’t have known!” Well you know what? I didn’t. I wasn’t showing. I wasn’t sick (besides the week of Mexico) I hadn’t felt any different. I hadn’t felt anything, yet. I did feel like I was gaining weight considerably which was another reason for a doctor visit on top of the bronchitis. I’ve had people talk about me negatively, judge me, and say all kinds of things behind our backs but you don’t know until you are in that situation. My doctor who had delivered over 3,000 babies had only seen it a handful of times. Quickly after, things started to change with the pregnancy as we would have found out the next week that we definitely were. The baby began to have movement and it was very subtle.
I was already taking vitamins thank goodness! A few more OB appointments later it was time for us to have our gender ultrasound. The nurse gave us a minute before she sent in the tech to check out the baby and gender reveal. Zack held me, kissed me, and we thanked God for this blessing.
As the tech came in, I laid on the table as she lathered my tummy with jelly. She started to move the camera around on my stomach and I will never forget the moment I saw the profile of my child. She was moving her hands, we were hearing the heartbeat, and she was healthy. I couldn’t ask for anything more. I immediately looked over at Zack as his eyes were filled with tears. Then mine began to flow. The tech had asked us if we wanted to know what the sex of the baby was and I being me of course said yes but then I asked Zack and he did too. She searched and pointed at the screen. “See this? It’s a girl!” More tears began to fall and I think Zack was wrapped at the moment.
Knowing you are having a baby girl is like nothing I can explain. I thought about bringing her home, dressing her in pink, teaching her, having tea parties, playing dress up, just so many things running through my mind. And her name? I mean every girl has names picked out from like the age of 10. As we left I was handed a dozen pictures of our beautiful, perfect baby girl.
This ultra sound photo was from a later appointment into my pregnancy but it is one of my favorites! The button nose was the first thing I noticed and one of the things I love about Paisley’s cute face.
We decided we would tell everyone a wedding date. One that would send them into a cardiac arrest of wedding planning and stressing for two months but we needed to move the wedding up. I figured if we waited until May we would procrastinate anyways so we might as well do it now. I wanted to be married before we had her for various reasons but I was ready to get married and it didn’t matter if we waited or not. We picked, they said OK surprisingly, and we decided to deliver the news of our precious princess and February due date until after the wedding. Crazy, yes. We had a solid two months to get it all done. I wanted our day to be stress free, happy, and just about us. I didn’t want people thinking that was why we were getting married (which to those judgmental people-that was their reasoning.) We just moved the date up. I wanted everything to be special. We kept the details disclosed in privacy within the trust of our two best friends/our daughter godparents. Matt & Lindsay. I’ve never known two friends to be more excited for us than them and to love a child that wasn’t their own as much as those two. We are for sure blessed with wonderful friends.
As the next couple of posts will focus back to Zack and I’s wedding planning and wedding since we are almost to our anniversary, I can’t explain how much this day meant to me. How defining it was to know I was going to be a mother and Zack a father. How scary, exciting, happy, and emotional it was. To know I didn’t have a severe sickness but a child inside of my body. God’s child. Mine and Zack’s child. Again I can’t begin to tell you how much Zack and I were judged. How many hurtful things we heard, how many nights I cried about what people said. The guilt I felt for somehow not knowing. I just want people to know that you don’t know the whole story of someone’s battles and trials until you are in their shoes. I know that sex before marriage is a sin. Yes I am a sinner just like the rest of you! I will tell you that God’s forgiven us for that, he’s blessed us with the most beautiful and healthy baby girl, and a rock solid amazing romantic marriage I’ve always dreamed of. I am so thankful for His grace and mercy. I am blessed beyond measure.
My next post will be about wedding planning, some of the pregnancy, and finding the dress and finishing things for the wedding and rehearsal dinner.